• 100% HUMAN CANDIDATE

    "I have been incubated from birth to be your overlord"

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    AMERICAN PROSPERITY

    Hello I am Tedcruz Forpresident.

     

    I have over 42 years!

     

    I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation

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    OBSERVING YOU

    I once observed a child traversing on wheeled shoes. I will work tirelessly to find out what this technology is called and demand the earth children turn its schematics over to me, forthwith

  • TEDCRUZ BEACH TIPS

    "BEACH" HAS MANY PERILS DUE TO ITS PROXIMITY TO SODIUM RICH WATER AND PACKS OF UNATTENDED CHILDREN.

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    THE SKIN IS THE ENEMY OF THE SUN

    It is vital to protect your outermost layer from the sun(s) violent rays. Consider wearing [Khaki] and [golf shirt] for the duration of your visit to BEACH.

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    MAINTAIN SUFFICIENT MOISTURE

    Moisture loss is inevitable. We all know this! haha! But it is important that to maintain wetness by consuming high-moisture food such as egg.

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    BEWARE OF LOOSE CHILDREN

    Opportunistic children capitalize on BEACH's looser restrictions surrounding behavior. They can and will attempt to take your egg.

     

    Though laws vary by location, it is universally acceptable to reprimand them with a single, firm tap to the head, neck or chest.

  • UPDATE

    I must return to my home town of T'EXAS to slumber for an amount of time you would consider reasonable

     

    Thank you, your support and skull sizes have been documented

  • HERE IS WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SAYING

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    Ted Cruz is only one being and not several.

    - Guy Manderson

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    I have seen many people and Ted Cruz is one of them

    - Firstname Lastname

  • RUDY GIULIANI'S PATRIOT DISTRICT

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    Friend and keeper of terrible secrets "Rudy" has deployed a site of his own in partnership with a Male Enhancement product. Please find it here: